About the Book

About the book

Xenu’s Lotto Part One

IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU WHINE

In space, no one can hear you whine.

Ernie E. Parmenter III never imagined that his biggest problem wouldn’t be dealing with stray shopping carts at Walmart but rather outwitting a galactic insurance scam.

Tricked into signing an insurance policy with fine print longer than the Milky Way’s star count, Ernie unwittingly dooms Earth to destruction. Now, his only shot at saving humanity is by cheating Xenu’s Lotto—a cosmic game that determines the fate of entire planets.

“Xenu’s Lotto is the new hilarious post apocalyptic, alien contact scifi series that asks the age old question; what would you do if given a second shot. Ernie E. Parmenter III was certainly a man in need of a do over, both matrimonially and existentially.Tricked into signing an alien insurance policy with fine print small as gnat droppings and as deviously deceptive as anything authored by Lucifer himself, Ernie unwittingly dooms the Earth to destruction at the hands of the Galactic Overlord named Xenu. Ernie’s only shot at saving the world is by cheating Xenu’s famous lotto-a grand cosmic game of chance that determines the fate of entire planets.

Book Buyer

Positive Reviews

With his ex-wife Lorelei (a skeptic with no patience for easy solutions), her other ex-husband Del (a lottery cheat), and an unhinged robot named Gordon, Ernie embarks on a hilariously twisted journey. From dodging alien slave traders to deciphering ancient mating rituals, this is a game where the odds are fixed, diplomacy is nonexistent, and the customer is always expendable.
Will Ernie’s desperate plea of “Why me?” go unanswered? Most likely.
Will Earth become the universe’s next cautionary tale? Probably.
Will Ernie survive? Well… someone’s got to tell the story.
With biting social commentary, absurd interstellar politics, and sharp-witted humor, Xenu’s Lotto is a laugh-out-loud, fast-paced sci-fi adventure you won’t want to miss.

With his testy and still hurting from the divorce ex-wife, Lorelei(a born skeptic with no patience for the simple solutions of simpletons), her other ex-husband Del(a convicted lotto cheat), Del’s trusty yet easily upset robot Gordon Bleu, and a small battalion of alien insurance company pencil pushers, Ernie embarks on a hilariously twisted journey to the center of the Milky Way Galaxy. The unlikely troupe must dodge alien slave traders, decipher ancient alien mating rituals and avoid getting splashed, and finally, find a way to outwit the greatest intellect the galaxy has so far produced-Lord Xenu. Ernie quickly realises that the insurance game is rigged, the odds are fixed, diplomacy and negotiation are nonexistent, and the customer is always. . .expendable. Come along for the ride and discover the answer to the following Earth shattering questions: Will Ernie’s constant pleas of, Why me, go unanswered? Most likely. Will the Earth become the universe’s next cautionary tale of woe? Probably. Will Ernie and his ex-wife survive long enough for Ernie to attempt a clumsy reconciliation? Definitely maybe. With biting social commentary, absurd interstellar politics, and sharp-witted humor, Xenu’s Lotto is a laugh-out-loud, fast-paced sci-fi adventure you won’t want to miss.”

About the book

Xenu’s Lotto Part Two

XARM’s Grotto

Xenu’s Lotto Part Two: Xaram’s Grotto

Coming Soon!

The game isn’t over yet. Stay tuned for the next installment in the Xenu’s Lotto series, where the stakes are even higher, the odds are even worse, and Ernie’s luck is running dangerously thin.
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Xenu’s Lotto Part One

Xenu’s Lotto Part One: The Grand Game

In space, no one can hear you whine.

Ernie E. Parmenter III never imagined that his biggest problem wouldn’t be dealing with stray shopping carts at Walmart but rather outwitting a galactic insurance scam.

Book Buyer

Positive Reviews